it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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