it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
