I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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