i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My feet surprised me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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