Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
