I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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