We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
