All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
