lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
