Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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