i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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