Porn is love you can see.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
