a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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