Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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