I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
