Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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