Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
