So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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