matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
