cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
