Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
