I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
