Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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