So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
