you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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