I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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