my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
