Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
