Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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