Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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