tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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