Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
