Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
