cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize