Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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