haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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