dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
