shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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