we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
