moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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