I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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