sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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