I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We need to rekindle our bromance
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
