This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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