Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
