no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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