Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
