I need help removing her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
