ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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