How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
