You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
