He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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