I bet he comes in French.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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