I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
