He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We need a shit load of segways right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
