hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
