I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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