I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
