Got a toothbrush?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
