yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
