I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
