Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
