Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
